you can make up entirely new skills such as: space analyst, excellent motor functions, drug test passer, will fit in to small space, able to be payed in food or spare change, excellent googler, womanizer, manizer, etc.

you can write a cover letter in less than 5 minutes because you are now a master of bullshit

you wake up by 9 am not to get a head start on the day, but you know that The Fresh Prince comes on twice that hour.

you read that the American Medical Association recommends that every person take 10,000 steps a day, and you realize that you have MAAAYBE taken 200

you spend more money at a bar on Monday night than you did all weekend

you send follow-up emails to jobs you applied for strictly hoping that maybe, just maybe, oh please god just maybe they are getting to the hiring today and see your email first and some sort of miracle happens

the most productive thing you did last week was create a facebook album and sign up for twitter, despite the fact that you still have no idea what the fuck twitter is

you watch the latest episode of Entourage twice in a row...because...what else are you going to do?

you look out the window at 2 in the afternoon and see that it's raining and get excited because it's the perfect excuse to start drinking

you need the latest Gillette shaving cream commercial to come on again to boost your self-esteem

you find yourself on vacation from unemployment

you find yourself saying, "Shit! I forgot I havent showered yet!"

you attempt to plan a party for two weeks and get virtually nowhere

it takes you three days to summon the energy to borrow someone else's DVD player to watch a movie you've been desperately wanting to watch for those three days

you solicit informational interviews strictly in hopes of a hot meal

watching Babylon A.D. is one of the days' highlights

you are surprised by how light it is outside at 6 PM

you find yourself giving your roommate high-fives when other people win money on Cash Cab

you give up on waiting for a job at jamba juice and apply to 'check in to cash'

you start referring to unemployment as "FUNemployment" to boost morale

you claim to be growing a beard just because your either not required to look presentable or just too lazy to shave

the only job you've held down in the last 4 months is dog-sitting.

the first time you've eaten out in a month is at Johnny Rocket's.

your employed roommate hides the XBox cord that is essential for it to work from the unemployed roommates so that they don't play video games all day. And you text said roommate asking for clues to its location. The progression of texts goes as such: "Hey man, you don't know where that grey Xbox cord is, do you? Gary and I were just wondering and noticed it's gone." "Hey, don't know if you got my text earlier, but if you know where it is, please let me know." "Listen, I know your busy, but we really would like to know where it is. Please." "Actually, never mind, we don't feel like playing anymore, don't worry about it..." "Alright Bill, you are a douche for hiding it. Not cool. I wouldn't come home if I were you..."......."PLEAASEE!!!!"

you spend 5 solid hours a day on petfinder.com fantasizing about what type of dog you want to get (even though you clearly can't afford it)

you can describe in detail every episode of CSI, Law and Order, and NCIS that aired each day

you OnDemand Erin Brockovich at 2 PM on a weekday

you masturbate more than two times a day

you are the only person NOT wearing business apparel while standing in line at the post office

you find yourself watching Baby's Day Out on a Thursday...or ever.